This is something I typed out the same day I received the only flame I've ever had that actually qualifies as a true flame, meaning there was zero constructive contribution, and zero number of relevant points made. It is unedited, not proofread, spellchecked, etc. Just a heads up.
------Let me start out by saying that there is a difference between flames that are constructive, and just plain flames. The first I don’t actually consider flames; be as crushing as you wish, but be constructive or at the very, very least, don’t make assumptions.
It has been a very, very, very long time since I have been this infuriated. Now, because a reviewer chose to leave his two cents anonymously, this is my only means of setting him straight... Not that it’s likely he’ll ever see it. But just in case anyone else had similar thoughts in the back of their minds, here is my rebuttal, Oatmeal (great satirical comic, go look it up) style.
Also, I have a rule about not deleting reviews, no matter how moronic. People are entitled to their opinion. Having said that...“First and most obvious thing is that Shepard wasn't born during the First Contact War. Literally she/he wasn't even alive yet.”
- Both wrong and correct. She/He wasn’t born during the First Contact War, but he/she was alive during the war; if you had waited until relatively early on in chapter two, this very point is made in a conversation between Shepard and Anderson. Shepard was born April 11, 2154. The First Contact War began in 2157. She would have been roughly three years old. Never at any point in chapter one did I claim she was born during the war. I think you may have misread the summary, which states ‘...ongoing first contact war.’ To save you time looking for a dictionary, ‘ongoing’ means ‘still happening.’“Next would be that the spacer/war hero/ paragon doesn't work, because the war hero route is based on saving a planet from Batarian raiders something like 30 years after the First Contact War ended. Thus, there is a HUGE timeline problem.”
- Spacer; The spacer background absolutely still works because what in my AU prevents Shepard from still being born to a military-background spacer family? Nothing, since all of that would have taken place and been established before the war.
- War Hero; hint hint...THIS story is her ‘war hero’ experience. Alternate Universe? Ever hear of the concept? Pretty sure being a keystone for ending a interplanetary war ranks just fine with saving a planet from Batarians.
- Paragon... I’m sorry, again, how does anything taking place in chapter one preclude her from being paragon?“The next and most obvious issue is that it makes no sense that the Turians would be using indentured servants/slaves in their households of a race that they *literally* are still at war with.”
- Obviously you’ve never read ‘the Wheel of Time,’ which is where I borrowed this concept. So the idea of an honorable enemy sparing the noncombatants but still making use of them (instead of wasting resources on warcamps) doesn’t make sense to you, but you’re ok with giant bug aliens, asari telepathy, and heroes being brought back from the dead?
- Actually, there are tribes in Africa that do this in reality, as well. One word; RESEARCH!!!“The next most obvious thing is that unless there is a dramatic shift in how the war played-”
- Ow. Ow. Ow. My brain. YES THERE WAS A DRAMATIC SHIFT. The First fleet arrived in time to prevent the bombardment of Shanxi!“-but the war itself only lasted a few months, with a complete collapse of the SA fleets probably within a year or two at most once the Turians actually started getting serious. Thankfully in the OTL the Citadel stepped in and put things to a stop before that.”- Someone save me. Please. Someone find this man and explain to him the concept of ‘AU.’ Do I need to put it in the summary? Again, I thought the fact that the summary states the FCW is still happening would be a pretty big clue. Or do I need to go back and rewrite the first chapter to slap the reader with ‘HEY GAIS DIS IS DIFFERENT THAN TEH GAME, KAY?’
-Also, again in chapter two, it is mentioned how the war was extended. But you wouldn’t know that.
“Basically...the timeline is completely off. Shepard can't exist as she is because she wasn't born yet-”
- Wrong. Even in the canon timeline, Shepard was born before the First Contact War, as stated above.“-and the events that made her a "hero" in the first place haven't happened yet.”
- Exactly. The event that makes her a hero IS THIS STORY.“The next thing is that the Turians wouldn't be enslaving humans in the first place since they're still at war with them, to say nothing of the fact that the Turians don't opperate that way regardless.”
- ‘Operate,’ not ‘opperate.’
- ….Please, share with me this info source you have confirming beyond a shadow of a doubt turians wouldn’t do this. If there is a canon entry in the codex I missed, please, show it to me and I will scrap this whole story.
“Basically, epic fail within the very first chapter.”
- Basically, you’re an unimaginative a moron. Stick with manuals and history books.
I feel better now. :-)